As the sun bakes the marshes and the heat and humidity rises, it’s a good time to find a shady corner and reflect on the last eight months and also take those first steps to looking to the future.
Without doubt shifting from a full-time, long commute job to part-time and working predominantly from home has improved my health. Gone is the exhausted, mentally shattered person who struggled through the weekends to just keep things on the home front in equilibrium and too be honest in many cases failing. In her place is a person I recognise of old; who laughs a lot more, who stops and observes a lot more, who does a lot more and is generally a much nicer person to know.
What is also apparent, and perhaps not surprising, is that my relationship with work is changing. Having distance and the luxury of time it is ever more apparent that my current work culture/environment and me are not fully compatible. Some of this is a change in me; what drives me is changing (or maybe I am just more attuned and recognising it) and as I immerse myself in all the other aspects of my life I am less content to spend valuable time and energy with those who suck the joy from my soul. As the person not in the office and not there all the time you become an easy target for others frustrations. Being sensitive this can be very hard to deal with. Don’t get me wrong constructive criticism is a valuable thing but deflected stress is unpleasant and energy sapping.
This has been difficult to accept because there are aspects of my work that give me great pleasure but I also have to value me and more importantly my time (as my husband never ceases to tell me). So for the last few months I have been considering whether there were things I could do that could negate the negative and allow me to enjoy the positive. I have become firmer in defining the days I work and less accommodating and flexible in rearranging these as the requests had rained in on a near weekly basis. I refuse to accept deflected angst calling it out when I see it. While these all help I also have to accept that I am slowly distancing myself from the organisation, stepping further back, more an outsider looking in and that the time is coming when I will step away.
While I haven’t fully reached the point of commitment yet I am also excited as I start to think and plan my next adventures. At the moment who knows what they will be and what paths will be followed but I am excited to find out.