social media – Looking onto the Marshes

It sometimes feels like everyone is angry all of the time. Every event however minor releases a flurry of anger. Now a bit of anger directed where its needed can be a good thing it can result in purposeful change but that’s not what I talking about here. No its the relentless anger that seems to pervade everything these days and the danger is that this is very bad for our health both physical and mental.

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Take an average day on social media and many of my contacts will be tagging articles and venting their frustrations but more often than not their anger. Because of how interconnected many people are this will be followed up by other people responding and commenting and suddenly this anger is spreading its tentacles very quickly as well as morphing such that the anger increases. It some ways its quite fascinating. But it has serious implications as well.

New York Times columnist David Brooks recently suggested historians define our era by pervasive fear in politics, media and society. We are biologically wired to deal with threats, the body is designed with fright and flight mechanisms which were fantastic in the past when escaping from a sabre tooth tiger. But today are bodies are responding to work, politics and most definitely the media. Our balance has gone and everything is bad and we respond as such; the train is late – explosive anger, I don’t agree with that political statement – explosive anger, I don’t like your blog post – explosive anger, yet more “bad” news – explosive anger. Is it little wonder that concerns for mental health are increasing and in particular in children, especially when we consider what we and they are exposed to all the time.

The internet is a wonderful thing it allows connectivity, its how I am able to write this post and communicate with anyone who wants to read it. The internet allows the sharing of information. The trouble with humans is we are hard wired to seek out bad news, its what protects us. But the trouble today is the media knows this, it whats behind most of the “click-bait” and so do many people when they are writing social posts. If I share a happy item on Facebook for example I will get some feedback but if I really want to feed my ego and get lots of responses I would just have to post something that had more negative connotations. The main stream media know this too; everything is a crisis, the worst ever, a disaster. Somethings are but not everything and even if something is bad it doesn’t mean there is a solution.

Its the things that are not really a crisis that we really need to stamp on for the sake of all our health. If my train is late its not a crisis, its annoying but I will get home, there will be a solution. A few fuel stations not having fuel was not a crisis, again it was annoying but there was a solution and it wasn’t fanning flames of panic. The media claims they were just reporting the news but that was disingenuous and they know it. I often go past my local fuel station and it doesn’t have fuel, it doesn’t typically make the news. The population is currently fragile after 18 months of a pandemic, little glimmers of light are therefore rich pickings for anyone that wants to tell you “something bad will happen” and “you won’t get to enjoy it”. The surprise surprise you are angry again.

Is it any wonder that so many young people seem to think we have no hope, that they despair and stressed to an extent that I don’t recall from my own childhood. We need to take a look at how we respond but also how we help them respond. Humans are remarkable they can create the most beautiful things and solve the most complex challenges. Yes there needs to be a will but as we have seen over the last year humans can effect change quickly and efficiently. Now you may point out that perhaps we need to do more of that and I would not necessarily disagree but lets get creative and encourage ideas.

Lets not waste our energy on anger.

Sometimes life is just terribly cruel, the fingers of fate playing a tune no-one saw coming. Just over a week ago sitting in the memorial chapel at my brother-in-laws funeral I have never been more struck by this. At just 48 years old and leaving behind a wife and young children the rank unfairness was never clearer. The irony in that the transplant that was to give him a new beginning should end up rejecting him and lead to the loss of his life.

But in among the grief there were stories of a life, although short, lived to the full, a man who had never been afraid to take an opportunity or to follow a dream. Here was someone who had traveled the world and lived in multiple countries. Who would lead his travelling companions on just one more adventure; no risk assessment applied. His love for his wife and children, a stay-at-home dad who had shown his children the joy of being in the now and encouraging them to be who they wanted to be not what others said they should be. Children for who this loss was immeasurable. In his life, he had definitely followed the maxim “Just do it”.

And that was the message from his best friend at the end of the eulogy, a question and a message to us all, “what will you do?”. We none of know what may happen in life but we can take each day and live it, how we want to. Walking away from the grind of 9-5 was something I had already done and have never been happier, so he would definitely have approved of this. But equally I needed to find something else, something new to honour his memory.

The answer was actually quite simple when I thought about it. It is to step back from much of mainstream social media and the constant anger that is there. Life has many rich varieties, differences are what makes this such an interesting tapestry of experience. Will I agree with everything my friends and acquaintances say, no. But constant anger, failure to listen and snippy comments help no-one; where the commentary becomes one sided and very angry with a view of what is right when often all that is being discussed is a difference of opinion. There is time to be angry where there is bigotry or hurt. However, anger pervades so much of social media but we need to save the anger for when it truly should be applied and so often it isn’t.

Moving forward I plan to interact on social media only with those who as well as having views they feel confident to express, are happy to step back and listen as they understand there can be another opinion, who can agree to disagree as well as share with me views and opinions I had not considered. People who positively challenge and are prepared to be challenged in their views; who knows if we chew-the-cud for long enough we may both end up in a different place to the one we thought. These are the people who will ultimately enrich my life, as I hope I will theirs. Quite simply life is to short for unnecessary anger.